dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
