JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
