I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
