Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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