what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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