You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
