there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
