I cannot find my penis.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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