So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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