wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
