Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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