Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
