I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
