She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
