Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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