I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
