After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she looked like the before picture.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
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I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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