Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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