i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
