my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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