I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
