just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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