I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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