Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have aggressive nipples.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
