Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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