Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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