capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
