he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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