Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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