do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
