Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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