none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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