so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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