This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
