plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
