I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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