first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
