Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
