i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
