I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize