Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
