If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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