Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
