I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The uberlube is also flammable
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
