I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
