What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
