using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
