we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
