so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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