I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
