i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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