he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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