Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
