What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
