Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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