Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
