In the future we'll all be gay
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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