My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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