I hate all girls vehemently.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
