I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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