and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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