I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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