You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
