okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
