New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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