If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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