eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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