he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Still dying that you shit outside
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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