I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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