Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
