I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
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Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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