if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.