dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
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despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
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I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.