I bet he comes in French.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
