dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
