was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
