i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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