Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
