Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Boobs speak an international language.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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