Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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