Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So vagazzling was a success
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
