The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
